Beltway Traffic

Dear American Drivers,

If you like to drive just that little bit slower so you can see what happened in an accident, then I hope you are soon in one. Why do you feel compelled to drive extra slow trying to see past the police cars, firetrucks, ambulances and random other emergency vehicles, hoping to get a glipse of the meyhem. I hope you are hurt. Badly. And soon.

Tonight, coming home from Towson around the west side of the beltway there was an accident at Exit 18. It took me 40 minutes to go 2 miles. 2 MILES! This is ridiculous. I saw a sign that said "2 Right Lanes Closed ahead, Accident". So i stayed in the far left lane (like usual). 40 minutes, 2 miles later, No lanes are closed, they have managed to move the accident to the shoulder. Way to go, doing your job. So the reason for the slowdown? Retarded people.

And then there are the people that felt compelled to be the in the lane that I was in. There was nothing wrong with their lane. They were just to stupid, ignorant and retarded to know that. So what do they do? They finagle there way into my lane, just so that I can go that much slower. They say football is a game of inches, well I'd like to say that driving through an accident is a game of inches. I don't want anyone in front of me. If you're trying to get over, and there's some jerk in a mustang or corolla refusing to let you in, its probably me. My question to you - whats so wrong with the space BEHIND ME?

If you are one of the people. I hate you. It is retarded people like this that make driving in America a horrible thing to do. I understand accidents, its wet, raining, dark. I understand. But to drive by at 10mph just so you can look. Just drive off a cliff.

Signed,

Drew

That Person!

Dear One Person in Every College Class,

Why must you be so annoying and stupid? Why do you have to be the only one that wants to participate in class discussions making us stay later than we really need to? Why must you also be the dumbest person in the entire class?

I despise all your unnecessary questions that any common person could answer on their own. I hate the fact that the professor even entertains your existence and answers your lame questions. Then you have the nerve to argue with the professor when you know he's never going to agree with you. You waste my time and I loathe you. If you're not intelligent enough to be in college, then please drop out. For my sake!

Passionately,

Jenn

Are you a bandwaggoner?

Dear Baltimoreans,

That's right baby! The Ravens are now 4-0! Ravens fans, it's time to celebrate!

There's just one problem...

It's about this time that Ravens bandwaggoners are starting to come out of the closet. I hate badwaggoners! People that can't stand the Ravens or have no clue how football works instantly decide that they are the 12th man for the Ravens. How is this possible?

It's especially the women that bother me. They're suddenly interested in football cause that's what all the guys are talking about and they're trying to fit in. Then, they talk to me and try to outlast my Ravens knowledge like they're a bigger fan than I am. Guess what girls!!!...you don't know more than me and you probably never will.

Just embrace the home team and cheer for them no matter what! Don't suddenly decide you a Ravens fan and buy up all the tickets so real Ravens fans can't go to the games and cheer for their team. Don't be wishywashy fans...PLEASE!!!

Signed,

Diehard Ravens Fan

Stupid Baltimore Sun

Dear Baltimore Sun,

You suck. How freakin hard is it to deliver my paper. I have called your crappy offices at least 4 times in the last 2 months because of retarded billing. You contantly send me bills for differeing amounts of money, and then when I call you say "oh...well...we can give you this offer, and the rate will be ..." and then they promise ANOTHER bill. Well...Baltimore Sun. I will call you yet again, and get agrivated. There had better be a good excuse as to why I didn't get my paper. You suck.

Drew