Lost for Words...Quite the Contrary...

Dear T.O.,

There are so many things I could say to you right now. I think I could probably write an entire book about how I feel about you. Instead, I'll choose to say this...

Stop trying to be a superstar, and just be a superstar.


Respectfully submitted,

Jenn

Snakes on a Plane!

Dear America,

Are you kidding me?!?!? I mean honestly, freakin' Snakes On a Plane. Who on earth would make a motion picture about snakes on an airplane? I mean, it's not even a feasible idea. And then, someone had the brilliant idea to put Samuel L. Jackson in the movie. Fools will go and waste money on the movie just because he's in it. America, please stop and think how terrible this movie will be before you head to the theater! Stop making commercials hyping up the movie and talking about how excited you are to see it and that you won't be happy until you've seen Snakes On a Plane. C'mon...Snakes On a Plane?!?!

Sincerely,

A Normal Person

Shawn, Shaun, Sean or Shaun???

Dear Shaun Alexander,

I hate to burst your bubble, but you are NOT better than every other American on the face of this Earth. Stop whining about your job. I mean come on! You get to play football for your career. Just because Clinton Portis got hurt in preseason, it doesn't give you a free pass to complain about preseason and try and convince America that you shouldn't have to play until the regular season. It's football! If you don't practice football with your team, how on earth are you going to win??? Also, how much do you get paid??? If I'm correct, it's millions! MILLIONS of dollars! Stop whining and play some football. Unless of course, you'd rather give up your luxurious lifestyle and trade places with me...I didn't think so!

Sincerely,

Angered Football Fan

Capri's

Dear Men,

Capri pants are for women. Even more so, the style of taking regular pants and rolling them up to look like capri's even more a women fashion. Take note.

Signed,

Orioles Baseball Fans

Bigger Shorts

Dear Teenage Girls,

Buy some longer shorts. You shouldn't be buying shorts that force you to pull them out of your crotch-butt-crotch approximately every 30 seconds. Just buy longer ones!

Signed,

Other Hair Cuttery Customers

Got Boogers?

Dear Lady,

Neither you or your car are invisible during your morning commute. When you have your arm elbow deep up your nose, people CAN see you.

Signed,

Other Morning Commuters.

Deli Workers

Dear Shoppers (Food Wharehouse),

Please hire some competent deli workers to work on the weekends. I'm getting really tired of everytime I come into the store and go to get my deli meats there is some bufoon working behind the counter. And if they aren't stupid, then I get someone who seems as though they would rather be dead then working there. They are so disgrunteled i can't wait to be done at the deli.

Signed,

Food Shoppers

Pennsylvania Sucks

Dear Pennsylvania,

You suck. Jenn and I only drove about 350 of our 1220 miles through you, but I can say without a doubt that you suck.

Your roads are the worst we travled on in 4 states, and your drivers just seem to be retarded. How can you have all those tolls for your roads yet still constantly be "Under Construction" and in horrible disarray?

Also, do you think that you could figure out how to create an interstate interchange that doesn't have me going 5 miles out of my way just so that i can bypass 50 different gas stations and other crappy places that you somehow feels i need to visit.

Signed,

Drew and Jenn

Hillbilly Sunday

Dear Guy Who Lives In the House Across the Street,

Stop blasting your stupid country music at 10:00 in the morning on a Sunday! Nobody wants to HEAR IT!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Jenn